you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
