I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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