I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
