she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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