Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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