Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
