1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
