party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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