Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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