my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
