just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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