you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She bit a glass in half.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
