i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
