He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
