Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Your shirt... Was in my pants
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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