I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
