I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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