this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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