got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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