I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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