so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
