youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
