I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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