two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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