Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
