if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
