I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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