Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
