took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Are we still banned from the library?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just pee around me
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
