If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
