On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
