Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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