Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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