whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
