maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
