can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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