I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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