It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
