She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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