i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
