did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
