tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Drake has all the answers
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
