I think my vagina is haunted
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
