i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
