I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
