I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
