Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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