what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
