Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
