glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
