Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
