All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
