none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
