R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My sheets look like a crime scene.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
