And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize