Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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