shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
