It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Say something about gay babies.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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