I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
oh god the rape fog is back!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
my poor anus
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
