He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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