just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize