My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
