Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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